Inexcusable Trend - Treating Dogs Like People

In the spirit of Esquire's "The Indefensible Position" column, I offer up "The Inexcusable Trend" - an exploration of those fads, furors and tendencies in vogue which fly in the face of good taste, logic or simply defy justification.

How many times have you found yourself smack in the middle of crap day and thought to yourself that sometimes, you wish you could have a dog's life?

Dogs have it pretty good...sleep, eat, play, poop...repeat. No deadlines, no bosses, no bills and no commuting! I know, I know...they can't play X-box, drink beer, don't understand football (although every guy who has a dog will swear that his pal watches TV)...and then there's that whole neutering thing...but as smart as they are, dogs don't know that life can be any better.

Which brings me to the point of this essay - the inexcusable trend as it pertains to our canine friends - TREATING DOGS LIKE PEOPLE. And not just treating dogs like humans but treating them better than most humans are treated...like snobby, pretentious, pampered and entitled people.

What's was the catalyst for this most recent rant? As if the dozens of people I see each day toting Fifi around in Gucci bags aren't enough...it was an article in the "Executive Life: Business Travel" section of a recent Business Week. The article detailed Houston's "pet-friendly" lodging options and the myriad ways an exec can "pamper their pooch while on the road."

Options include a package at the apparently way trendy Hotel Derek that gives dogs their own plush beds, bottled water and gift bags of toys. At the Four Seasons, they have special "Posh Pet Privileges" that include "exercisers" (assuming this means dog walkers), in-room grooming and menus featuring organic ingredients. And if classic presentation is your pet's thing, at the Lovett Inn, meals served out of sterling bowls on sterling trays with water by Evian.

Let's ignore the obvious opportunity for digression served up by the Business Week article - you know, the one about executive privilege, corporate governance and accountability to shareholders (aaahemmm...Tyco).

This kind of thing is not just wasteful and embarrassing, it's completely unnecessary. Why? Because DOGS DON'T CARE. I guarantee that when dogs of rich owners are sniffing each others' butts at the dog park, they're not comparing notes about how the "took their meals" when they traveled last. Eat, sleep, crap and play...basic needs = happy puppy.

Love your dog, treat it well and you'll have a loyal companion for life. But if you want a fashion accessory that you can use to make statements about who you are beyond that you an animal-lover, you're not looking for the kind of companionship a dog provides.